Entitled brothers cut contact with their brother and his wife, after the couple refused to take in and solely care for their elderly parents, despite his wife being a SAHM and having a nursing background: 'I suggested a nursing home or assisted living'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Dec 6, 2025 7:00 AM EST

Just because this wife is a stay-at-home mother with a nursing background doesn't mean she should be the sole caregiver to her husband's parents…They have three sons, among whom they should share equal responsibilities, whether their wives work a 9-to-5 job or not. She is more than happy to lend a helping hand, but opening up her home to people who haven't been the kindest to her in the past is not really something this wife is willing to compromise on. Do you agree with her? Why should it be her role to care for her parents-in-law, when they have three children who should be taking on the role of 'caregiver' themselves, or come up with another option that doesn't let the weight fall solely on her shoulders… 

Being a stay-at-home mother is truly looked down on these days…According to society, it almost feels like if women aren't doing it all, then they aren't doing enough! And yes, maybe the other brother's wives work, and they cannot afford a single-income household, but that is not the issue here! The issue is that they shouldn't be making their wives responsible for their elderly parents, while they carry on with life as usual. 

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  • Her parents-in-law never truly made much effort with her. She cares for them and respects them…but whether she feels like she owes them something? not so much! There are plenty of options, with hands-on 24/7 care that can give the elderly couple an amazing quality of life…And if the brothers don't like it, then they should offer to open up their homes to their parents, too!

  • elderly couple holding hands
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA for refusing to take in my in-laws?

    I (37 female) have been married to my husband (38) for 10 years. We have 2 children.
    via No_Ability_3658
  • He has 2 brothers Henry (40) (who is married with 2 children), and Frank (43) (who is also married with 2 children).
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  • Their parents now need to move in with one of their sons because they can no longer live alone.
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  • One of his brothers called for a family meeting with all the siblings and their wives.
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  • Henry and Frank suggested their parents should live with my husband and I since I have the most experience, we own the biggest house with an in law apartment (that we use when we have guests visiting), and their wives both work.
    via No_Ability_3658
  • I'm the only one with a background in nursing but I'm now mostly a stay at home mom (I keep my license current and work one weekend a month just in case I decide to go back to work full time once our children are older.) I said no because my mother in law and I don't have a good relationship.
    via No_Ability_3658
  • She's never been kind to me and we only see her twice a year because I don't want our children seeing her do that.
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  • I suggested a nursing home or assisted living. His brothers said they did look into that option but neither are options due to cost.
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  • I let them know we will not be having their parents living with us and one of them will have to accommodate them at their home.
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  • Young couple arguing
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • They said they would not be able to survive financially having their wives stay home. I apologized and told them if they had any questions while caring for them I'd be available over phone but told them I would not do it.
    via No_Ability_3658
  • My husband agrees with me but does think it was a little harsh. His brothers aren't speaking to us right now because they said I'm an AH who's going to put them in a bad spot.
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  • AITA?
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  • WAndTheBoys I am sure you and your husband sacrificed and planned so you could be a SAHM. You would be better off joining the workforce and hiring a caregiver for them. It will be a 24/7 workload. No. No. No. Even if you loved and adored them like they were your own parents. Help them find assisted living or a caregiver with funds they have. They must have some income.
    via WAndTheBoys
  • OP No_Ability_3658 I'll be honest I enjoy being a SAHM and wouldn't go back to work for their benefit. I have to think about my children first.
    via No_Ability_3658
  • NTA Puskarella You don't owe anyone free labour. That is potentially a huge burden physically, emotionally, and even potentially financially. The very least they could do to sweeten the pot is offer to pay you - but this all about protecting assets not the care of the parents.
    via Puskarella
  • OP No_Ability_3658 There is no assets. They don't own a home and the car has been sold since they no longer drive.
    via No_Ability_3658
  • Elderly couple sitting on a bench in the park
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • WelfordNelferd NTA for not taking them in, but your husband should have been the one doing the talking here.
    via WelfordNelferd
  • NTA Kerr 1982 Assisted living isn't cheap, but the brothers contributing (equally) should total a decent amount. Add in the parents SS/retirement/pension (plus anything from selling their current place) and it should provide enough to have a roof over their heads. It may not be fancy, but it'll do.
    via Kerr1982
  • CoDaDeyLove NTA. They decided before hand that they would pressure you and your husband to take your in-laws into your home. They thought it was a done deal and don't care that your MIL has never been polite to you. Stand your ground. They can go into housing for low income seniors if they can't afford assisted living, or they can spend down their assets and go into a Medicaid nursing home. It's karma.
    via CoDaDeyLove
  • travelkmac So a brother called a family meeting not to discuss the parents and options but to railroad you and your husband in having them live with you. Love how they worked it out since you are at the moment a stay at home parent and a nurse that you, because it will fall to you to do the bulk of the care and mental load, need to do this. You needed to be direct as they would have tried to give excuses and reasons it could work and needs to happen. I bet they weren't offering how they would he
    via travelkmac
  • ghostwritercarole Why is everyone debating over which wife should sacrifice their career and stay home? How about the brothers look after their parents!
    via ghostwritercarole

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care-giver sahm drama parent in laws family elderly brothers
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